direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You ruined the universe
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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