I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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