so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
