I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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