He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
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I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
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I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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