I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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