So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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