I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
