batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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