Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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