She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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