i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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