puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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