I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
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I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
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At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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