he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
