Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
