And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
