come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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