Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
