Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
