ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
