i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
