hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
