youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
