He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
