He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
