i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
