I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
whose parrot is this?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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