he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
