Who wears a wallet chain?!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
