at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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