i think my tv is drunk
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
