This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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