you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
