i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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