called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You're a waste of cheezeits
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
