I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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