Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
