idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
