u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
