Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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