I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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