New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
