Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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