Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
