the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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