I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
