I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
