OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Dicks are not precious.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
