i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
