Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
