I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
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how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
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I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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