Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
