apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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