You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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