I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
