we have officially lost it.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
