Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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