Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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