eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
