I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
