I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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