do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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