I'm really into asian looking animals
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
worst night to have a conscience
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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