i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize