I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
