chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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