My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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