Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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