bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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