and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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